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All the elements of parody are here: Ridiculous first-person narration that quickly disappears, an adorable but deadly canine sidekick, ridiculous macho posturing, under- and over-acting of inane dialogue (by director David Twohy) and laughably artificial matte backgrounds and special effects.(Riddick Download) Were it not for the eviscerations and the rough language, this could be a segment on a Nickelodeon sketch comedy show.
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After the horrible reviews of “The Chronicles of Riddick,” one wouldn’t imagine that Vin Diesel’s bad-ass super-alien would make it back for a third appearance — the character first turned up in the leaner,(Download Riddick Movie) meaner “Pitch Black” — but Universal apparently wants to keep him happy between “Fast and the Furious” installments, so we’re back in outer space once again.
(Download Riddick) If nothing else, someone obviously learned after the disastrous “Chronicles” that this character doesn’t lend himself to overblown storytelling and an intricate backstory. The one thing that “Riddick” does right is to strip things down to a basic cat-and-mouse manhunt tale, almost like a remake of “Predator” in which Predator is the hero and the pesky human hunters are the bad guys.
We dispense with the “Chronicles” stuff early on — Riddick is betrayed by Karl Urban and his guyliner and finds himself stranded on the Planet of Fakey Backdrops and Hungry Carnivores. In no time, he’s made himself invulnerable to the venom of the local scorpion-lizard-manta beasts and domesticated one of the planet’s dingo-raptor animals into a traveling companion.
(Download Riddick) Finding an abandoned bounty hunter outpost, Riddick deploys the homing beacon, knowing that it will reveal his location to any number of mercenaries hungry for the reward on him. (The captor gets a double prize for bringing back Riddick dead.) The first team to arrive is a scurvy bunch led by Santana (played by too-good-for-this Spanish actor Jordi Mollà), but his group is soon joined by a second team, whose commander Boss Johns (Matt Nable) has his own reasons for wanting to hunt down Riddick.
Riddick’s plan is to steal one of the ships and kill anyone who gets in his way, which leads to an extended segment of psyching out his pursuers and picking off the actors with the worst agents. The upside to this is that Diesel is off the screen for significant portions of time — because really, his CG irises out-act him throughout the film — but the downside is that the bounty hunters are two-dimensional and hackneyed, even the ones played by reasonably competent performers like Katee Sackhoff, Nolan Gerard Funk (“The Canyons”) and Bokeem Woodbine.
(Download Riddick) If “Riddick” had managed to inject any thrills or pleasure or wit or excitement into what is a pure genre exercise, then its excesses and lapses could be easily overlooked. But this just isn’t any fun, when fun was all it ever had to be.
Vin Diesel has found a perfect niche for himself in the increasingly delirious and entertaining “Fast and the Furious” series. If “Riddick” is the best he can come up with in his off-hours, both he and the audience would be better served if he took up macramé instead.
“I need a direction,” mumbles Vin Diesel early in Riddick. You said it, big guy… but don’t let the whiff of self-awareness dupe you into thinking David Twohy’s threequel is the route map Diesel’s sci-fi anti-hero needs.
(Download Riddick) With its low-ish budget, Riddick could have been the lean space-shocker that fans of 2000’s series-starter Pitch Black wanted. But it more often repeats the errors of 2004’s sequel The Chronicles Of Riddick, devolving into a slow, sloppy mess made even messier when its misogyny bites.
Pitch Black worked partly because it saw the value in keeping anti-heroes and monsters mysterious. Chronicles didn’t because Riddick isn’t enough of a character to hold the centre, but Twohy hasn’t learned.
Casting Riddick adrift on a predator-infested planet sounds like a template for tension on paper, but the survivalist opening scenes drag like Riddick’s drawling diction in practice. Failing to restore mystique to Riddick or Patrick Tatopoulos’ alien designs, the cheesy CGI critters and weary post-Chronicles expository guff inspire little but the desire to see Twohy kick-start the story.
(Download Riddick) Which never quite happens. The arrival of two chafing bounty-hunter teams sparks a manhunt, but the often-absurd script slumps fast into sausage-fest bickering and brazen sexism. Katee Sackhoff’s lesbian Dahl is bad-ass, but she’s mostly here for Jordi Mollà’s daft villain Santana, Riddick and – pointless tit-shot alert – Twohy to drool over.
By the time Twohy lurches into base-under-siege turf, interest has waned. And it wanes again as the aliens prove too easily killed to scare, and again with twists involving forgotten Pitch Black sub-plots.
Twohy tries to take up the slack by framing Riddick as a mythical macho-man, but no slo-mo shots of alien-goring gymnastics and anti-hero swagger can cloak Diesel’s struggle to make him interesting. And whoever thought Riddick’s crass parting shot to Dahl might help matters needs more than direction.(Watch Riddick Online) A slap, perhaps?